Tag: Listening

Verbal and Non-Verbal Skills

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Verbal Skills

The skills you should use to show you are listening to the person are simple:

Listen without interrupting.

Pay attention.

Ask appropriate questions to make sure that you are both clear on what is being said.

Listen to the words and the tone of voice and look at the body language – all will give you clues as to how the person is feeling.

Check your understanding of what is being said by saying something like ‘it sounds like you are saying (or feeling)… have I understood that right?’

Summarise facts and feelings.

Minimal prompts such as, ‘Mmm’, ‘Ah’, or ‘I see’, may be all that is necessary to keep the conversation going.

It is okay to have long pauses in the conversation. The person may simply be thinking or lost for words. If you say something to fill what you see as an embarrassing silence, you may break the train of thought or rapport between you.

Sitting quietly, but attentively, through a period of silence will demonstrate that you value being with the other person. This is more effective than anything you may say will demonstrate.

Non-Verbal Skills

Make use of non-verbal skills (or body language) such as:

Be attentive.

Keep eye contact comfortable – do not stare or avoid eye contact.

Keep an open body position – try not to cross your arms across your body.

Sit down, even when the other person is standing – it will make you seem less threatening.

Try not to sit directly opposite, facing the other person – this may seem as though you are invading their space.

Overcoming Communication Difficulties

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Communicating with People from Different Cultures

Any successful communication recognises the uniqueness of every culture, every relationship, and every individual – including you.

Some forms of verbal and non-verbal communication are appropriate and others are not appropriate. For instance, some individuals may regard prolonged eye contact as rude. We all have different ways of communicating our fears and needs when we become unwell. Invite the person to tell you about their life experiences, values, and belief systems. Also, ask them how they feel about asking for care and support.

Establish what is realistic for the individual, as well as what is culturally acceptable. Some cultures encourage the use of silence, whereas in others it creates embarrassment or awkwardness. In the French, Spanish, and Eastern European cultures, the presence of silence is a sign of agreement.

Working with an Interpreter or a Bilingual Worker

When an individual does not speak English at all, has limited English, or chooses to communicate their distress in their mother tongue, the best solution is to use a professional interpreter. The choice to use a trained interpreter or a family member must be made by the individual who is experiencing problems. Being able to do so will help the individual to fell that they are in control of the situation.

Language holds and creates the individual’s reality, experience, culture, and world view. A good interpreter will concentrate on accurately conveying equivalent meaning as well as reporting the direct answers to your questions and other responses offered. You should also be aware that the interpreter may bring their own bias to the situation.

Working with a British Sign Language Interpreter for the Deaf

There are very few services available for deaf people with mental health problems, although recently some deaf workers have been trained in mental health first aid.

If no deaf mental health first-aider is available, you may need to use an interpreter. In this case, you should take care to always face the deaf person when speaking and respond as though it is the deaf person speaking to you when the interpreter speaks. Remember that the interpreter is being the deaf person’s voice. Maintain good eye contact and show your feelings through your facial expressions. Deaf people do much of their communication through body language and facial expression, and are therefore skilled at reading feelings.

If no interpreter is available, you can still offer support and concern by showing your willingness to communicate. Deaf people can often lip read and can vocalise using English. Be patient and try hard to understand. Show your concern as you would with anyone in distress and ask the person who you can call for help.

Important Note

If you need to use a pen and paper to ask the person who they would like you to call for help or support, use very simple English.

British Sign Language is a different language to English – a person who was born deaf may not have English as their first language.

Non-Judgemental Listening

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Non-judgemental listening involves:

Listening actively by doing all that you can to make sure you understand what the person is saying to you.

Resisting the urge to fix the person’s problems by offering advice.

Putting aside your own feelings and attitudes temporarily, so that you can listen without judging the person.

Accepting the person exactly as they are.

Making no moral judgement about their situation.

Feeling and expressing genuine concern for the person.

How to Listen

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To listen and communicate non-judgmentally is one of the five basic steps in mental health first aid. It is a term you will find used throughout the website.

This website cannot train you to be a counsellor or a therapist, but you can develop some basic listening skills that will be useful in many situations.

Are You Really Listening?

Most of the time we do not really listen to what others are saying. This is not because we are being rude or uncaring. Usually when we are in conversation with someone else, we find ourselves going off on other trains of thought because something that has been said has reminded us of other things. Other times we are thinking about our reply and only giving the speaker part of our attention.

When we are listening to the other person, part of our mind is thinking about our own reactions to what they are saying. This is a normal response, and in everyday situations it usually works well.

In a situation where a person is distressed or having a mental health crisis, it is very important to pay more attention and put non-judgemental listening skills into practice.

Being An Effective Listener

While you are paying attention to the feelings of the other person, it is important to be aware of your own feelings and thoughts.

Attending to a person who may be distressed may bring up a number of responses, such as fear, irritation, sadness, or a sense of being overwhelmed.

These are normal responses to a difficult situation. However, it is important that the listener continues to be open to listening respectfully, and attempts to avoid reacting to what is being shared.

That means focusing on the distressed person, and understanding how it feels to be in their place.

This may be difficult, depending on the relationship between the listener and the distressed person. Sometimes it is especially difficult if the person is a close friend or relative. If you feel that your relationship is preventing you from being an effective listener, it may be best to get the help of someone else who is not so close to the person. However, in a crisis you may not have this option.

Remember that during a crisis, you are offering the distressed person a place of safety based on respect. acceptance, and understanding – and you may be saving their life.

After the conversation, you may feel unsettled, shocked, confused, or angry. You may wish to share this with someone, to acknowledge your own experience. In doing so, you should maintain the person’s privacy by withholding their name or any details that could identify them. This is not the same as accessing appropriate assistance for the person if they need it (e.g. if they are suicidal) when you will need to reveal their identity.

Always remember that you are human, and that feeling a mixture of emotions is a normal human response.

Tolerance is…

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“Tolerance is a strange but indispensable civic virtue. It requires people to accept and live calmly with individuals and practices of which they disapprove.

Some take it for spineless laxity in the face of what ought to be fought or forbidden.

Others see it as a demeaning fraud that spares prohibition but withholds approval.

The tolerant themselves are not immune to its tricks and subtleties.

It takes little for them to shout intolerantly at each other about how far toleration should go.

Defending toleration is not like protecting a jewel. It takes fixity of aim but also a feel for the changing context, persistence with a task that never ends and readiness to start again.

Toleration does gradually spread. It can also suddenly vanish.” (The Economist, 2019, p.76).

Reference

The Economist. (2019) Intellectual History: Live and Let Live. The Economist. 18 May 2019, pp.76.